Choosing to become a foster parent is life-altering. But in 2013, when Ashley and Adam Harper of Springboro made that choice, they never dreamed that their ideas about what it means to be foster parents would be forever changed.
“I always wanted to adopt a child when I was growing up,” Ashley said. “But adoption is expensive, so we looked into foster care.”
The couple met another foster parent who had eventually adopted a child, and they asked her opinion.
"Our friend recommended Agape for Youth," Adam said. "We went to the first class, and the rest is history!"
The Harpers were apprehensive about taking children from many different backgrounds into their home; about the negative stories they had heard; and perhaps most of all, the thought of saying goodbye to children they would grow to love.
“We took our first placement about six months after we were trained,” Ashley said.
And so it was that two sisters – Kelsey, 14 months, and Alexis, 6 -- moved in with the Harpers. The couple fell in love almost from the start.
“We knew that saying goodbye to the girls would almost be too much to bear,” Adam said. “So we decided to form a bond with the birth parents.”
The decision to meet and get to know the girls’ mother, Danielle, was not typical. In fact, most court systems recommend limited contact between foster and biological parents.
Danielle, who had struggled with substance abuse, realized she had work to do before she could regain custody. So she asked the court to keep the girls in foster care, specifically with the Harpers, because she knew how much they loved her girls.
“Danielle ended up doing some jail time,” Adam said. “Throughout all of this, she worked on the reunification process, including parenting classes and visits with the girls.”
After nearly a year-and-a-half with the Harpers, Kelsey and Alexis were returned to their mother.
“We got super-attached,” Adam said. “We loved them like they were our own.”
The Harpers had been constantly working at building a relationship with Danielle, hoping that it would keep them from being permanently shut out of the girls’ lives.
Kelsey and Alexis have been home with their mother for a little more than a year, and the Harpers now consider Danielle and her family to be part of their extended family.
“I told Danielle in the beginning that I was fearful of saying goodbye to her girls,” Ashley said. “We made it clear that it wasn’t just the girls we wanted to see, but the whole family.”
Including Kelsey and Alexis, the Harpers have welcomed four children into their home since becoming foster parents with Agape for Youth. With the support and encouragement of their caseworkers and the staff at Agape for Youth, the Harpers work to build similar close bonds with all biological parents of the children they foster.
“I always looked at biological parents as the bad guys,” Ashley said. “But this experience has changed my attitude completely. I know what we have is unique. And we are grateful.”