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Published: Monday, December 18, 2017 @ 1:22 PM
— A few weeks ago, I got an email from an English public relations strategist pointing me to the website of the United Kingdom’s “leading independent online florist”
The idea is that they did a “study” about how much it would cost to be Santa Claus (short answer: $25.3 billion) and I’m supposed to write something fun about that and you’re supposed to click the link to the study itself and end up on www.serenataflowers.com and decide to buy flowers for all your friends in England.
But a question came up. No, not why are they making their pitch to a guy in Texas who writes about puking snakes, eating bugs and Willie Nelson’s Fourth of July Picnic (though that is also a valid question).
The question is, if it DID cost $25.3 billion to be Santa Claus, who COULD be Santa Claus? It seems that kind of financial requirement would narrow the list down quite a bit.
Right down to 29 people, as it turns out.
Looking at the Forbes list of billionaires, only the top 28 in the world have more than $25.3 billion (the children of the man who created the German supermarket giant Aldi share the No. 24 spot, if you’re wondering how we came to the number 29).
Let’s narrow down who could be Santa Claus.
RULE NO. 1: Being Santa Claus for one year can’t wipe you out. Let’s say you need to have $12.5 billion left over to get you halfway to next Christmas. So you need at least $37.8 billion to make the cut.
That eliminates: Phil Knight (seemed like a contender), John Mars, Jacqueline Mars, David Thomson, Beate Heister & Karl Albrecht Jr., Jack Ma (Christmas is big in China), Jorge Paulo Lemann, Steve Ballmer, Sheldon Adelson (perhaps a GOP Santa Claus), Li Ka-shing, Wang Jianlin and Wal-Mart heirs Alice, Jim and S. Robson Walton.
That leaves: Liliane Bettencourt, Sergey Brin, Larry Page, Bernard Arnault, Michael Bloomberg, David Koch, Charles Koch, Larry Ellison, Carlos Slim Helu, Mark Zuckerberg, Amancio Ortega, Jeff Bezos, Warren Buffett and Bill Gates.
RULE NO. 2: Santa Claus has a long history and obviously has been wealthy for a good while. You have to have made the Forbes billionaire list 25 years ago … in 1992.
That eliminates: Sergey Brin, Larry Page, Bernard Arnault, Michael Bloomberg (perhaps a Democrat Santa Claus), Larry Ellison, Mark Zuckerberg, Amancio Ortega and Jeff Bezos (a natural at shipping logistics).
That leaves: Liliane Bettencourt, David Koch, Charles Koch, Carlos Slim Helu, Warren Buffett and Bill Gates.
RULE No. 3: You have to still be alive.
That eliminates: Liliane Bettencourt (the makeup heiress died this year after making the list)
That leaves: David Koch, Charles Koch, Carlos Slim Helu, Warren Buffett and Bill Gates.
RULE No. 4: Santa Claus lives at the North Pole and he is not a climate change skeptic. I mean, c’mon, he can see the effects of global warming right out of his workshop.
That eliminates: David Koch, Charles Koch
That leaves: Carlos Slim Helu, Warren Buffett and Bill Gates.
We’re down to our final three: Carlos Slim Helu doesn’t use a computer and keeps track of his businesses in detailed notebooks (he’s making a list, checking it twice?). And Warren Buffett has a lengthy and impressive commitment to philanthropy.
But Bill Gates? He’s already been working at being Santa. This CNN story reveals that Gates has been participating in Reddit's Secret Santa Gift exchange for at least half a decade. Not only that, but as No. 1 on Forbes’ list, he’s got the money to keep this Santa thing going for quite a while.
I’m calling it. If being Santa Claus requires $25.3 billion, then Santa Claus has to be Bill Gates.
Published: Friday, March 02, 2018 @ 2:52 AM
Updated: Friday, March 16, 2018 @ 5:46 AM
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Published: Saturday, March 17, 2018 @ 7:19 PM
HARRISON TWP. — An apartment fire this evening displaced the occupants of six units and sent one woman to a local hospital.
Crews were called shortly before 5 p.m. to 1962 Republic Drive on a report of heavy smoke coming from an apartment.
The woman was taken to Miami Valley Hospital; her injuries are minor, according to Harrison Twp. fire officials.
The American Red Cross was called to assist residents in six units who were displaced.
The cause of the fire remains under investigation.
Published: Sunday, March 18, 2018 @ 10:41 PM
BEAVERCREEK — Crews evacuated and investigated the Beavercreek Walmart Supercenter Sunday night on reports of a possible gas leak, according to officials.
The incident was dispatched around 10:20 p.m. at the store located at 3360 Pentagon Blvd, per initial reports.
The matter was resolved relatively quickly and customers were allowed to re-enter the store once crews finished their investigation.
The store recently reopened after being closed for over a week after solar panels caught fire on the roof of the building.
No word on if this possible gas leak was related to the previous incident.
Published: Sunday, March 18, 2018 @ 5:00 AM
Updated: Sunday, March 18, 2018 @ 8:57 PM
— A quiet night is expected with temperatures overnight dropping into the lower 30s, Storm Center 7 Meteorologist Brett Collar said.
Monday: Clouds will increase through the day with highs in the lower to middle 50s. The chance for rain returns in the evening, and with temperatures falling past sunset, a few wet flakes may mix in as well.
Tuesday: The chance for snow is increasing, as more recent model runs are becoming more consistent and are agreeing more on the chance for snow. We’re calling for snow on Tuesday, some of which could be heavy at times. This snow looks to continue into Wednesday as well. Highs will be in the lower 40s early in the morning with most of the day staying in the 30s.
Wednesday: Snow is likely to continue into Wednesday, especially earlier in the day. By the time the snow wraps up, it looks like we’ll see a couple of inches of snow accumulation, however, there is still a lot of time between now and the event, allowing time for the track to change course. This will have a large effect on just how much snow we see. Temperatures will be in the upper 30s for the day.
Thursday: Partly sunny skies are expected with highs in the lower 40s.
Friday: A dry start is expected, but the chance for rain returns at night. Highs will be in the middle 40s.