Posted: 11:45 a.m. Tuesday, Oct. 1, 2013
By Chris Kopech
What follows is a special response from LGHL's crack legal team. By which I mean none of us could get into OSU's law school. The Request for Cessation was originally published on the fine SB Nation site, Streaking the Lawn.
FROM: LGHL, LLP. - "Better Call Hall!"
TO: The haters of Streaking the Lawn
DATE: 01 October 2013
RE: Defendant's Memorandum Contra Plaintiff's Request for Cessation
We have received your Request for Cessation our usage of the twitter hashtag, #SWOON, in relation to Aaron Craft, the popular point guard and, quite frankly, national treasure, for the Ohio State Buckeyes. While the fact that your usage of #SWOON may or may not have been used first in this fair continent of Blogfrica, it is with deepest regrets and fervent chutzpah that we deny your request.
Heretofore, we present Defendant's Exhibit A with regard to the timeline of events.
Notice the date of the above tweet. While not in full reference to Mr. Craft, the tweet occured while Urban Meyer was giving his introductory press conference as the new Head Coach for The Ohio State Buckeyes Football team. This tweet also occurred almost three weeks before Plaintiff's Exhibit B was ever sent into the Internet Ether. And while I, as the tweet's author, do not directly imply the target of the tweet, the timeline is consistent with the official beginning of a new era of sport for the Buckeyes. Indeed: a new era of #SWOON.
It should also be noted that the very next day, after we were #SWOON-ing at the new football coach, the Buckeye basketball team, led by the incomparable Mr. Craft, went on to beat the living hell out of the Duke Blue Devils, 85-63. Mr. Craft was a statistical marvel on that day, pouring in 17 points, picking up five rebounds, dropping eight dimes and stealing one from the #4 Blue Devils. A very #SWOON-worthy stat line against our common enemy, in the Blue Devils.
Not only did we get to the #SWOON tag first, it can be argued that said tag is better applied with regard to Craft than any other player in the country. Consider the recent Cosmopolitan online article regarding the "hottest" college basketball players in 2013 March Madness. The last entry in the slide show? Aaron Craft.
Further, we not only #SWOON over his looks, but also over his smarts. Craft, who is probably smarter than all of at LGHL put together (sorry, guys), not only gets straight As, but the lone B+ on his record still bugs him to this day.
Finally, we refer you to the picture of alleged other #SWOON-worthy player, UVA's Joe Harris.
Exhibit B (via)
We've all made that face before, haven't we? It's the face you make in class when you're trying to "sneak one out" so that no one will notice. Is that something that is #SWOON-able? We think not.
So it is with highest regard and deepest sympathies that we regret to inform you that we will not conclude #SWOON-related activities, but instead ask that you actually cease and desist in the activities yourself. You're right: we do have Braxton Miller and Kenny Guiton. But we also have Aaron Craft. We own the #SWOON.
Should you wish to appeal, please take this matter to the NCAA, after which both of our blogs will receive four-year bowl bans, and a reduction of two writers per year, for the next four years. Probably.
Adam Woodard, vaunted paralegal, contributed to the writing of this memorandum.